No Sleep

Last year on this night I did not sleep a wink. Not one minute. Not one second. My mind was racing. I wasn't scared of labor or even really thinking about it much. My mind was racing about seeing my sweet baby for the first time. I had already fallen in love with her in my belly so my expectations were high about the love I would feel once she arrived. I wondered what she would look like, what her cry would sound like, if she would feel an attachment to me, if I would be a good mom to her, if I would be able to balance being a good mother and a good wife. I prayed she would be healthy, that we wouldn't have complications during labor, and that our families would feel so much joy and love and become even closer.

One year ago Jason, my mom and I went to eat at Perry's. I was still conservative with what I ate so my blood sugar wouldn't harm Lexi. I have never taken care of myself better than when I was pregnant. I would do anything for our little girl. Anything.

That night I tried so hard to sleep. I tried the bed, the couch, and the bed again. I moved back and forth all night long. I checked my email, put together a snack bag for the visitors at the hospital, and watched TV. Nothing worked.

During the night while I was in bed I had a couple of contractions. They weren't strong or close enough to go to the hospital. So I thought and I prayed all night long. I simply could not wait. I wanted Lexi in my arms for so long. The wait was making my heart ache. I just wanted to kiss her sweet face and hold her next to me. I remember this day/night like it was yesterday. I amazes me it was already one year ago.

No comments: