9/1/10

Less than a week...

Lexi starts 'school' in less than a week and I have a ton of emotions about it flowing through me (warning, this post may ramble a bit).  I am excited and anxious for her to meet new friends and learn.  While school clothes shopping today, Lexi saw a little boy (about a year old than her) said, "Hi Baby," hugged him, and tried to kiss him.  Lexi loves kids and I am excited for her to be around kids her age, twice a week.  She is learning a lot at home, but she will learn even more at school.  The curriculum FBM uses is wonderful!  I am sad.  I am sad because Lexi will be away from me.  This "letting go" stuff is really hard.  I tear up thinking about how much I will miss her during those 10 hours per week.  I feel blessed.  I am fortunate that I am able to stay home with Lexi and only send her to school because we are choosing to, not because we have to.  I am scared.  I am scared she's not going to understand why.  Why did we leave her with people she doesn't know?  What if she thinks we are never going to come back?  I hate seeing Lexi cry because she is sad or hurt.  I don't want her to think we are hurting her by leaving.  I don't want her to cry from sadness because we are not there.  I don't want her to feel hurt that her parents are not there to comfort her while she is sad.  It is my promise as a mother to make my little girl feel protected and safe at all costs.  I know Lexi will learn to love school and will be okay, but not for one moment do I want Lexi to feel alone, sadness, scared, or confused.  I wish she understood.  I tell her all the time about school and that I will always come to pick her up.  She says, "ok," but I know she doesn't know what I am talking about.  I want her to know I will feel sadness because I will be away from her too.  I want her to know I will always be there to pick her up.  I want her to know that we made the decision for her to go to school because we love her.  I just want her to know there won't be one minute during those 10 hours that I am not thinking about her or loving her with my whole heart.

1 comment:

Michelle Harmon said...

Oh Kelly, you made me cry too! Love you! I know you and Lexi will both do great. Praying for you both.